Sex positivity - Its 4 Pleasure

Post by guest author - Jessie Rogue (www.jessierogue.com)

In a world where women’s sexuality is used to sell everything from fast food to fast cars isn’t it nuts that there is still so much shame and stigma connected to women being open about enjoying sex?

If slut is a term used to describe someone who enjoys frequent fucks and self pleasure then isn’t it about time we start using this as a term of empowerment rather than as a tired put down….it’s time to get the heck out of Kansas Dorothy.

2020, the year I started sex work via online content creation, and boy did I really have no idea what I was getting myself in for. A few suggestive pics and my flatmate stops talking to me, dating becomes way harder and there’s more chipolatas in my DMs then at the Great Framlingham Sausage Festival.

It’s as if i’ve fully come out of the closet as a woman who enjoys sex and what’s the result? A lack of consideration and respect and to many it seems that posting body positive photos of myself on social media is a form of consent. Disrespect is the norm for sex workers and sluts but this, my friend, makes about as much sense as a chocolate dildo.

Any woman brave enough to break social stigmas and be open about enjoying sex is a fucking badass and should be treated with more respect not less. A woman who is open about enjoying sex still does not necessarily want to bang you, she may still want to wait or date and she 100% definitely does not want your mayonnaise sandwich dick pic in her DMs.

As for sex workers, they charge for their services, they don’t want to give them out for free and if they’re dating they probably want to talk about something other than work... yes it’s my job, no it’s not the most interesting thing about me.

It’s time that we start treating women who enjoy sex how they deserve to be treated; like any other woman, it’s time to normalise female pleasure.

With research showing that women are having one orgasm for every three men are having during heterosexual encounters is anyone really surprised considering we still live in a world that shames or oversexualises females for dressing, acting or talking too provocatively?

If we can’t talk about sex then how are we meant to enjoy it? You can’t preach censorship in public and expect liberation in private. Life is too short for us to be wasting time counting ceiling tiles and exhausting our larynx’s with fake ‘oh yeah that’s the stuff’ noises.

Many women are experiencing sex as something that is done to them rather than an experience that is enjoyed together and the textbook definition of sex still does not cater for the fact that over three-quarters of women do not orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Although vaginal orgasms can be trained, and we will get to this later, most women need some form of clitoral stimulation meaning that a woman’s orgasm by definition is not incuded in sex it is just “an extra”.

Putting aside the obvious that they feel fucking awesome the benefits of orgasms are endless, including: decreased stress, increased continence, better skin quality, strengthened immune system & lesser risk of heart disease…. sexy right?!

Orgasms are a skill that can be trained like anything else, practise makes perfect and with a bit of dedication you can train yourself to cum on command. We discuss and share everything else we enjoy: movies, music, books, art, how about we share our new favourite position or toy like we share memes?

Starting sex work has resulted in me talking about sex a lot more often but as anyone who’s seen me cover my twerking ass in 6 litres of lemonade in a bath tub, dressed in nothing but latex and stickers, can vouch for; I wasn’t exactly shy before. After sharing with a friend that I beat my new personal best for how many times I could make my legs buckle like Bambi in one day she told me she was only capable of one orgasm a session.

The problem with putting yourself in a box when it comes to sexuality is that it’s fluid, labels can hold you back. At one point I was only managing three orgasms a time and then I upped my game to 25. Honestly, I’m capable of more, it just got difficult to keep count, I had to use a tally chart and my pen ran out of ink.

Am I oversharing? No absolufuckinlutley not because what happened to my friend on her next date? Fifteen orgasms in one steamy shag session, way more than i’ve ever managed to achieve with the help of someone else. While it’s not a competition and it’s not about the numbers, I think we can all agree that she definitely did not leave that experience cramming in cheesy chips to numb the feelings of frustration and general dissatisfaction.

The fact that women are capable of having multiple orgasms makes the fact that the majority of women are still not experiencing any orgasms absolutely bananas. So how do we close the gap? Stats show that over 40% of women are struggling with some aspect of sexual function but this can be improved by 20% just by women meeting up with other women and talking about sex, destigmatising conversatons about sex works but how about we take this one step further, let’s open up conversations about sex across genders.

Talking about sex doesn’t always have to be sexy, it can just be information that we share about something that we are all biologically programmed to enjoy.

So my manifesto is this...how about we show women who are expressing themselves sexually a bit of respect so other women feel confident enough to do the same? How about we stop feeling uncomfortable, guilty or ashamed talking about sex and we actually share our experiences and tips?

Like any other skill that can be trained it’ll be more fun and we’ll see faster progress if we learn from each other and share our experiences. How about we live in a world where we’re zen af because we’re having more orgasms and more mind blowingly amazing, lip biting filthy fucks!

Anyway that’s my two cents on the matter…. I’m off to learn how to squirt.